All the Small Things

“Dado plows the snow, Rami has weird feet, and someone wants to change their religion” 

PROLOGUE ‘WHAT & WHY’

I saw a pic of Rami hanging from an ice fall while grabbing an ice axe with at least a 50 meter drop behind him. Following that story on Instagram is him saying he’s going to Georgia to do this ice fall again, and then I noticed that the story will continue to talk about the rest of the itinerary, so I closed it. Shut that shit up. I don’t want to know. Cause I got that feeling that I’m going to this trip no matter what! I want to ice-climb! And He’s going to be doing it in about two weeks. So bye bitch, I’m going, and no, I don’t want to have any expectations what so ever! At first, my gut decided that I should do this trip alone. A second later I called Dado, ‘#TheMostFamousPersonOnInstagramWithoutInstagram #GrizzlyBear, told him we have a date tonight, be over as soon as you can. Dado instantly agreed on the night plan, and he’s getting the drinks. We’re in motion. Second, I instagrammed Rami, Yo! I’m interested in this. I wana come. What should I do? He responded enthusiastically, so here the coffee started brewing, I can feel it. Later that night, Dado totally skipped our date which I was pacing for in my little studio. He arrived at around midnight, scared the living shit out of me by sneaking Hala into my house without my knowledge. She ducked into a cat pose near the door, which I was approaching as I didn’t hear it slam shut. As I got near it, I see a human cat, I fucking screamed and jumped like a little bitch. Fuck him! Later on, I thanked him for completely disregarding our date and for bringing Hala to a top secret meeting, hence the code name ‘date’ – the discussion was postponed as he told me his excuse for hanging with Hala was to buy a table for my house so we can play board games without using the house cabinets and kitchen bar as chairs. Any who, Hala left, Dado is excited to hear what the fuck is up. And so I laid it out to him. Dado, it’s a trip, to somewhere cold, -15 degrees scream like a bitch cold, we will go vertical, something you’ve never done, we will go fast, faster than you’ve ever been, discount the car, plane, and train. We do not require a visa, and it will not cost a lot. ‘It did, cause we spoil ourselves, cause why not’. You will need to step up your pull ups and endurance training. We will leave Dubai on the 22nd of Feb and return on the 27th. Here he said, you done? I said yeah, he was like bra, I love how you didn’t mention a single detail about the trip. Fuck! I’m in. Let’s go. Take that brewed coffee, put it in a shot glass and drink it furiously. Yea baby, we on.

Rami added us to the group that’s traveling along with us to the trip. Fuck that, we’ll wait till we see them. These bitches aren’t getting ideas about us from a stupid text on whatsapp. So we stayed quite, or at least as much as we could. We did share videos of us drunk doing pull-up hangs showing that we bringing fire.

DAY 1 ‘VODKA WENT WITH EVERY MEAL, DADO GETS DRUNK ON THE PLANE, SECRET HITLER COMES TO GEORGIA’

Two weeks later, Dado shows up to my house late at night strapped and ready, we take a few shots, do some pull ups and slept once the whole world started snoring. We woke up early, peanut butter and vodka shots. Readied all the cameras and we hit the road. Georgia, here we come. Flight attendant was cute, on Fly Dubai, she gave us free vegan Pringles, Dado mingled with a drunk bunch of bachelors, they had to be kicked out of the plane. The Georgian passport control lady freaked us the fuck out, she wouldn’t let us in cause our Passports looked used. Well listen you thing, my passport isn’t a model, it’s not on a diet, nor is it getting a sun tan. It’s a bunch of papers. When was the last time you saw a used bunch of papers in perfect condition? I didn’t say that, nope, I just stayed quiet and put my confused face on, Dado, did the same and started playing with his ear, he does that. We were looking at each other with the ‘how could this be happening to us’ kinda look, shit! After she got every officer in the airport and raised her eyebrows to the 8th ceiling she let one of them to allow us to come in. Later on, we saw Rami and life was revived. We decided to go to Tbilisi to meet the gang before we set off to Kazbegi. We found us a spot, hanged with the locals, drank a huge draft of beer, we peed in a toilet without closing the door, we got kicked out, and an hour later we set off to Kazbegi. That’s in the Caucasian mountain range, where the lands look like clouds, it’s surreal, surrounded by white-mountain caps, and winds so cold they feel like fire. The drama from a punctured wheel on icy roads was welcomed, since Hussein, one of the travelers with us was stocked with that good Irish Whisky. We had a shot or two, vlogged the drama, dramatizing it to a situation more relevant to a COD mission. Shortly after, we got to the roads and story after story we reached to a town that’s so cute, old, separated by a humongous river, and surrounded by incredibly huge mountains with spiky summits, and scary looking rock formations. We checked into our rooms, shat, showered, and hit the buffet. A little later, Rami lays down the brief and timings and sets off to his room to prep for the next day. So we did the most sensible thing, we brought all the alcohol we had, and Dado introduced Secret Hitler, a board game similar to mafia police. We screamed at each other till it was 2:00 AM, bonded and got to know one another. It was important for us to meet everyone and break the ice, but honestly, we were glad to find that the team was amazing, everyone was cool, and each one of them had a unique sense of humor. We went to bed happy, discussing the personalities we just met, the game and strategies that were used, the freaking cold, and how we had a bed lamp, like they do in the movies. We put off the light, had a laugh and shut down. Oh and we did a 6 minute plank. Get PUMPED

DAY 2 ‘DADO PLOWS THE SNOW, RAMI HAS WEIRD FEET, AND SOMEONE WANTS TO CHANGE THEIR RELIGION’

Early risers, yaaas! Hit that breaky, potatoes and coffee for a vegan, love it! Dado late as usual, but in the world of the grizzlies, just a yawn takes 10 minutes. The ride to the slopes is about an hour, so I introduced the boat game, this is the best game I know and I will not teach it to anyone, it’s special to me. It only comes out when the situation is right, and right it was. Cause bitch we ain’t riding in a bus silently. Let’s compete and get those juices flowin. Rami won :/ he studied law, whatever… We reached, got our shit, and skied like angels just landed on the slopes. Dado wasn’t an angel though, he plowed the snow with his teeth, and Negm joined him. To each his own man, don’t ask me why. I went on to join the big league after lunch, what the fuck was I thinking! The slopes are huge! It can easily take 30 minutes of pure skiing from top to bottom. Much longer if taken via the half pipe routes, off-piste, or through the powder sections. And we went through them all! It was fucking funny, we laughed, fell, ate & drank like kings. We skied our fill man. And most importantly, we learned, and that’s there to show that no matter how old you are you can still learn and enjoy the sport from this moment till whenever the fuck you want to stop! At least we now have it as an option! #Neverstopexploring bitch. Later on that day, we had dinner, played Secret board game, introduced Karly to the vlog, she’s something else! Beautiful… laughed a shit pile, smoked cool grandpa type pipes, drank drunk and mingled with the driver, who wanted to change his religion. Fucking Epic.

DAY 3 ‘I DO A TAIL GRAV IN SLOW MOTION, MIREILLE TAKES A POSE, AND DADO GETS LOST’

We woke up early, as usual, hit the potatoes, chugged that coffee, and stretched with Negm and Karly at the lobby, a few Yoga poses here and there and then some other cool looking poses and shit. It was lovely. The boat game got heated up on the way to the slopes as Karly and Mike were the last ones standing battling it out to the finish line. Before that, Dado makes an emotional speech, everyone clapped, big balls right there! We parked, the loser was shamed, and now we know the skiing grounds, so we shouldered up, neck high and walked to them slopes feeling good. Though, this was not another day of being angels, this was a day of facing fears, of seeing our fears as clear as you see this word you’re reading right now. Rami shouting at me saying don’t let the mountain scare you, you can do this. Turn those shoulders and fucking face it, as I tried and tired, I finally fucking did it. That off-piste was seriously steep man, it got the best of us. After we finished it, we went to the snow park, and glided over the ramps like G’z – ice cubes and shit. We rested at the most incredible and beautiful terrace high up on the slopes overlooking everything. What a moment. We feasted, drank coffee and Jameson, Hussein’s signature, took off our shirts, and faced the slopes with confidence, jumping every ramp, tail grabs after tail grabs, we were ski high. Happy angles. Dado too, he joined us as he got so much better at skiing, so fast, it was incredible. As the slopes closed and the sun started to pinker, we had the thickest hot chocolate you can fucking imagine, had shots of Cha Cha, google it, and beers after beers. On an endless high we got back to our hotel rocking side to side, ate dinner and went on to watch the go pro videos. We all gathered in our room and laughed the shit out of the things that we did and said, the things that happened that we forgot about, epic falls, and screams. It was a good time man. We enjoyed that shit! Hussein and Karly kicked back with us, we skipped the window to watch the stars and to have a shot in the ice cold. Life man, it was a rush! We went back in and to warm up we played Otis’s longest song for a one long steady plank, yeah baby, we were feeling it! Hussein passed out. So Karly, Dado and I, wore whatever was thrown on the bed and went for a walk to explore and feel. But not before we filled up that flask with that Irish. It was already 3:00 AM, Tracy Chapman baby. Out over the river into the surroundings, we witness views our eyes have never seen before, it’s too new, the mountains are so close, and so big, they broke our neck. A horse here, a few dogs there, cow moos, cobble stones, darkness and beautiful gates. It was freakish. I laughed so hard as Karly and Dado got the best of me as I vlogged their stupidness, I was dying! Our batteries got exhausted as we began to walk back, enjoying deep meaningful conversations. Smoked a ciggy and we went to bed happily exhausted. Dado & I still managed a quick important pre sleep conversation to understand. Then we laughed a shit load. Lamp out, good night!

DAY 4 ‘DADO IS FOUND UNLUCKY, A TRUCK SKIDS ON ICE, AND KARLY BREAKS HER BOTTLE’

Tomorrow starts with the word shit. Crampons, and ice falls. Dado: Bitch you fucking serious? Hell yeah, it’s what we’re here for man! Let’s go, tap into that reserve fuel tank, load up All the Small Things by Blink 182, sing it once, sing it twice and then borrow some energy from the sounds and meanings of the voices of the people around us. Hit the breaky, visit a town full of life, and while the rest of the team is grabbing their gear, Karly and I escaped to run around the town, with a few clues from here and there, we attempted to reach Rooms hotel, we fell short, were late, got picked up from the middle of the road and we hit the trek. As we’re trekking to the ice fall on icy trails, we were slipping left and right, on all fours, hanging for dear life! A van skidded by us, it was outa control, I think we ended up stopping it with the use of sound waves. We grabbed our crampons, put em on, which took some time as it was a first for almost all of us, and we continued, looking at the ice with a small smirk, like I got you baby, who de bitch now?

Bad news, but whatever, the ice fall has fallen, huge blocks of ice underneath the waterfall confirmed it. A bit to the right, there was a 15 meter ice wall. Guga, with a 20 year background in climbing was assisting Rami and us on the climb, they set up the top ropes, and called us one by one for the attempt. It’s something! Many moments worthy of writing can’t be said due to privacy reasons, but I’ll share a few and I’m not ashamed of saying it, there were some emotional trips and it really affected me.

“Dado is found unlucky, a truck skids on ice, and Karly breaks her bottle“

I saw firsthand how extreme sports bring out extreme emotions. No matter how thick your bottle is, the axe will break through and will bring out your raw self! Tears, joys, highs, and maybe a few mini avalanches too. So watch out and know when to hang loose. But Karly oh Karly, you little angel from the heavens! Fierce, what a stunner! You were stuck on that ice wall, hanging and not letting go, and with every tear and every chord of your voice you faced it! You threw your cap beyond it and knew you were in it no fucking matter what! Didn’t you? We cheered you and Rami guided you, some freaking Any Given Sunday shit, but it was you who slammed through that ice, shredding your fears like a slab of glass hit by a bullet! Ahh!! Though I couldn’t see your face, we were hearing you while your back was towards us, but as you got down and started walking to us, I saw that face, those tears and that breath! And when I saw you, I didn’t know what face to put on, nothing in my subconscious ever witnessed an emotion like that. You put a new face on me Karly! What a fucking thrill. Fuck.. Kaarly! What a life we live man, worth living, damn fucking worth it! As we trekked back to that lovely town, on our crampons, we connected, Dado, Karly, Zalzale, and I were on a high, laughs, and tough love jokes, we were flowin. We head to town and opted to stay rather than go back to the hotel! We want to celebrate, we want to experience, and feel so we hit the bar. We all got 1 beer, we cheered, and watched how the lady bar owner called the cops using a clicker to kick out a drunken fela who was very passionately trying to hit on Karly while he takes his last few steps before stepping in to the car with the Five-O – it was freaking hilarious! A Call out from Rami tells us we gots to go back, Hussein, Dado, Karly and I rushed to the market, to refill our stock of alcohol, and oh no Hussein says, as he holds up a huge barrel of fireworks. YEAH Baby, we fucking on, get that shit, don’t even think twice about it! As Dado and I pumped up the situation we knew that a thing like that will only bring the good! So hell yes! Get the biggest one and let’s hit the road. Feast we feasted, games we played, alcohol we drank and the night was dedicated to these beautiful people as they shared with us their creativity, and stories. It was amazing! Most of us slept early but Hussein and I soldiered on and drank till we passed out. We were drinking from shampoo bottles, don’t even ask man! It was incredible! But wait up! Just as that last 10 seconder on an episode of That 70’s Show, Dado, oh mighty, told him in the van during the ride back from the slopes, we gots to sing, I Will Survive. We thought we’ll start it out and the rest will follow, but then we noticed that some were sleeping, so we let em rest! Just as we entered our room, Dado fires it up on the speaker and that mother freaking fucker knew every word, what a hell of a show man! I was singing along until I noticed that he’s on another level, so I started taping him! Imagine Michael Jackson giving you a private show, to me, I haven’t seen any better! Or funnier. You guys are in for a good one on this one! If I ever share it.

DAY 5 ‘ I DRINK WATER FROM A HAND, DADO LIGHTS A CANDLE, HUSSEIN MARTYRS HIMSELF’

This morning, I woke up slapped by the wings of a butterfly, get out of my way, life is ours, and we live it our way! Metals baby. Come Karly! Karly comes, Dado goes to shit, we skip the window, on to the edge of the building, blow up the sound of punk rock, let’s flow! And yeah world, you can snow on us, why the living fuck not! Fuckin damn it, wish I could have extended those seconds, we were up! I shit, shower, and before the breaky, I passed by Karly’s room and she showed me her National Geographic buff, I put one on and she put on another, damn we looked good! Water boiling, glock cocked. So we glided through the breaky, towards the outside, I opened the gate. And looked straight into the sunlight, not like that, but sorta like that, anyways. As every morning, a couple of beauty and the beast dogs are playing in our front yard, chasing after Karly and the boys, while Mireille takes videos and pictures, it was crisp, so I knew the feeling was right! Load them bags into the van, and let’s hit the road! We hit the starting position of the trek and we begin trekking to the heavens! Damn straight, it was indescribable. On the trails I like to hang back and move slow, pacing myself, warming my body, all so I can harness an energy ball that I can utilize when the time is ripe. So we set off, and god, up above, I know you saw us, thank you for blessing us with mist and fast clouds, we gazed through the first section, a village, wood fenced snow trails with high peaky mountains peakabooing us every now and then. We taped that shit, freaking lucid stuff in an un-behaved nature, what the fuck!! We trailed and hiked up, Dado and I remained in the back, enjoying our time, talking about some important shit! That’s until we decided to start sprinting and doing tail grabs, we caught up fast, and joined the conversations, laughing about how I thought Mike is a pro skier, and Karly, just a fun skier, man the way they chewed that joke, it was hilarious. And now the clouds were starting to clear up, and we find ourselves in this field, inside a cloud, brown and white, and off white, I don’t even know! We took out our cameras and took some photos, dope shit, dramatic videos too! A little later we arrive to a souvenir shop selling Christian stuff, we bought half the store, and bought the candles, that we will use a little later on! Now let’s step into that heaven I was telling you about. Hold my hand. Both of them. Into a 14th century, at 2200 meters, enter the Gergeti Trinity Church, silently, holster your cameras, tune your breaths, and open your eyes, and heal-toe, heal-toe! What a thrill! Dado & I, on a mission to find the best tray to light our candles at! We had 4 of them, so we strategically lit them at the locations that were either missing a candle, or at an artifact that totally deserved it, if not the sun it-self! Bang, bang, what a 720! As our souls and energies took rest, I took a mini stool, next to the heater stove and sat there to pray! And I went at it, closed my eyes, and just went at it, 1 prayer after the other, I was on a high! As I came to open my eyes to see who’s still there, I smile, as I see almost everyone in the same spirit, so I grab Karly, get her a little stool, I place my wooden hiking stick that I picked up from the trail earlier, and we share it, holding on to it as we go for another round of prayers, this one was deep man! We transferred our energies through wood, and I prayed for her, and for everyone I knew! A prayer that keeps the devilish stuff away from people! We emerged strong! Dado moves back in to the church, this time loaded with a running Gopro in his side pocket, filming what’s going on! Hell yeah, it’s important for us to re-watch this beautifuyl moment! Loved it! We come outside, and oh baby baby, I brought up that energy ball, and I opened its cap. Just like a giant Pepsi, shaken and opened. We fucking took off, tail grabs off the surrounding walls of the Church, we were jumping and jumping. On the way down, Dado and I found a spot to piss juice, what a feeling, we trekked back talking about more important shit! And as the mist had completely faded away we saw the views surrounding what we had trekked! It was a trek up and a whole other one coming down! God! You’re amazing! I loved what I experienced there, the lows, the highs, they set the mood. That mood was later met with the right space to fit it perfectly! As you all know, on this planet, or on Instagram, there are some seriously epic spots, usually hard to get to, and breathtaking. Well, this view, was love, so I caressed it, worked the foreplay, waited, admired, and a few days later literary made sweet love to it. Anyways, as the team sat down inside and ordered food, I couldn’t hold still, I wanted to stay outside at that larger than life terrace with a view ‘I’ll spare you the description, it’s too sexual’, and caught up with everyone coming out for a smoke or to take a photo, or to whatever. Outside was inside for me, and I got that gut feeling like I’m coming back here again. I’m not done with this baby. I got to see her again. A few amazing and enchanted conversations with Karly, Hussein & Dado and we were fired up! Thrilled, feeling lots of things! Now let’s go hit the road. But first, Dado and I gotta figure some shit. All the team is leaving tomorrow, and this bear and I are hanging back for a few more days. Trip ain’t over bitch! So we thought we’ll hang back at this hotel to check the prices and stuff. Here’s when Rami comes by and tells us, Karly is leaving to the airport in a few hours, so come back fast. Wait, hold up, Dado! Cancel that shit! We going back with the team, we gotta light up the sky tonight, Karly is leaving, so we bringing fire! Remember?

Our door is always open. Constant right there! With a bottle in our hands, Dado & I are holding an intimate ‘speech required’ farewell toast, in our beloved room. As more joined, and the shots stacked, the speeches were flowin, colors on canvas baby. Freaking purple, touchy shit. Never saw this much teeth at such a close distance. Beautiful. Hit the showers, enjoy the speeches at Dinner, and rush everyone outside! Hold up, Hussein says laughing with worried eyes, what up? This huge firework barrel is expired. Two freaking years ago! Damn it! God! Fuck it, let’s go I told him, I’ll hold it! Hotel host shows us the way to the parking area where it’s safe to blast this baby, as I come to light up, Hussein rolls in, and goes like if you’re doing it, then I’m doing it with you. If you get hurt, I’ll get hurt too! Fucking man right there people! That’s a fucking heart! Mell Gibson approved! Lighter spark and we’re seconds away from the first blast! GOD DAMN! That took us by surprise, the kick on that thang, the sounds, and that burning powder tearing us up, the sky lit up! Farewell, our way, baby, and another 10 beautiful works of that fire, we were thrilled! Down those shots now, and our bellies already warm from the shots at dinner, we were on another level! Fuckin life man! Beautiful mountains surrounding us! We went back in to finish our plates, and the rest from here goes on to a whole different level as Dado & I decide to extend a few days more.. But I’ll stop it here! Fuckin Dado man, couldn’t talk much about him, cause you need a creative freaking computer with AI to put words to this guys actions! Watch my fucking videos bitches as they roll out and see for yourself! One with the Fucking Wild people!

A warm and special thanks with a small 1 sided ass spank goes to:

Mireille for her loud voice, and restless sense of humor!
Hussein for showing us what life on steroids feels like, trust us man, you’re living! The next round is on us!
Zalzale, as much as we head butted each other during the games, your dark comedy takes it to a different level! My time with you is not over!
Mo Negm, fucking speak louder, we woulda won every game man! When I saw you skiing down that slope, I felt it, just the day before you were skiing upside down, proud to have witnessed that man!
Mikey, you’re a fucking legend man! Your intensity is only matched by that of Kobe’s, and I will forever remain skeptical about you, because that’s more than talent, you were freaking thinking 10 steps ahead of everyone!
Mother fucker Walid, you’re that person: Remain silent and let your success make the noise. You’re that! Fucking Beautiful.
Karly! You brought the winds baby cakes, and kept all our fires lit! I met my soul mate on this trip god damn it!
Dado! Ain’t nothing but claps for you! Man of the match, god like standing ovation for you! Fucking grizzly fucker!
Rami for bringing us together, and making extreme sports a possibility, fuck yeah! And Ghida for curating this awesome sauce trip! Exhilarating!
And last but not least, thank you to The North Face Middle East for kitting me out with goose feather amongst other juicy things, yeah you heard that right! The cold had nothing on me, all while looking fly as a mother fucker!
Thank you for reading. Follow me on Instagram for more bitches! One with the Wild, Life Happens Outdoors, we bringing fire! @Karimmobay

Peace