This doesn’t define me, but I am a pretty anxious person, been diagnosed with extreme stress disorder with severe panic attacks, that led me experiencing agoraphobia. For 6 years I’ve been battling this every single day, with struggles, pain, sleepless nights, heartache, you name it, took a bad turn on my health. It is with no surprise that this trip is far FAR from being my comfort zone, not sleeping in the same place everynight, changing locations twice per day, being far away from home, being in the middle of the forest, in a country that i’ve never been before, where I don’t know the language nor most of the people I’m going with.
Long story short, it was nothing like I’d anticipated. Your slogan/hashtag couldn’t be more true for my case, #comebackdifferent.
I had been preparing for this trip for a year, mentally and physically. Weekly therapy sessions, tried every technique in the books, literally everything. This was nothing for me because i mean I’ve been doing that my whole life, but the closer we got to the date, the more “what ifs” intrusive and automatic thoughts popped up like CRAZY. What if I can’t go, what if I get a panic attack every single day, what if I can’t make it to the plane, what if I get so annoyed, what if I won’t be able to leave the hotel, what if everyone will be annoyed of me, what if they would judge me hate me, and the list goes on… Imagine having this running in your head every single day, haunting you, putting you down, in ugly moods, horrible situations, and bad physical conditions. I may be over exaggerating, but that’s how it actually felt. Turns out I needed a new strategy, a sentence that I’ve been going by for quite some time, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” I needed to feel it, welcome it, and not run away, nor get scared, just sit with it, and count on myself that I will make it, not with the help of anyone nor any pill. It is hell, it is extremely painful and very very very hard. But I did, I sat with it, sometimes longer than I expected. This is not a cliché paragraph where I’m gonna motivate you into sitting with your intrusive thoughts and tell you everything is going to be okay, it won’t be okay, but that’s okay. Because it will be sooner or later, it doesn’t last forever. My travels before involve sleepless nights, no eating nor drinking water, extreme heart palpitations, shaking and sometimes trips to the ER. My case has been well communicated with the team leaders, with my friend coming with, most of the people knew what I have and were very supportive, understanding and promised to be there for me no matter what.
I’m glad to say that they didn’t see any of this, even though they were prepared and ready for the WORST (as what I’ve described). This trip is a pleasant get away for some people, waw nature, waw local people, finally travelling to change environment, however for me it was presumed to be a nightmare, a hell I must endure for 8 days that hopefully will pass by quickly. Brought sufficient amount of calming drugs to get me through these 8 days, thinking I would need at least 3 per day. Happy to say only half a pill was used before even stepping foot in the airport.
This trip was more than just an escape to nature, it was my freedom, my peace, I never felt more present and alive in my life for as long as I can remember, I enjoyed every single minute of it, every plant, every drop of rain, every meal, every encounter, every conversation, every place. Nepal is a beautiful country, filled with pure, kind, genuine and spiritual people, most of them don’t have anything to offer but oh my do they give everything they have for you.
The team leaders of the trip, the porters, the well selected restaurants, hotels, tea houses, cities, villages, and everything basically, were just perfect. I have no words to describe this experience, yes I may be over exaggerating, but this truly changed my life and how I see trips/travels. Usually my trips go something like okay I went I made it alright 3 more days to go, and then I’ll be back home, this time, I enjoyed every single day, didn’t even know what day we are or how many we have left. Usually I come back from a trip I need to recover from all the suffering and not think of another trip unless I HAVE TO. This time, I was already looking for another adventure with LHO while I was still there ahaha. I didn’t want to leave Nepal, didn’t want to leave these beautiful people. I seriously can’t wait for the next one. Loved the release of the need to control or know everything. Loved the freedom.
So thank you, you gave me back a taste of freedom, and I promised myself to cherish it and not lose sight of it again. LFG!!!!!!! see you soon, hope to meet the entire team! You guys are beautiful souls thank you for creating this genuine community, you wawed us. Didn’t have to worry about anything, and even if I did worry about something, the team on ground already took care of it before I even voiced out my worry ahaha. I probably have more to say about this, but for now this is it, this was not just an ordinary trip for me, it was way way way more than that. Thank you once again
This doesn’t define me, but I am a pretty anxious person, been diagnosed with extreme stress disorder with severe panic attacks, that led me experiencing agoraphobia. For 6 years I’ve been battling this every single day, with struggles, pain, sleepless nights, heartache, you name it, took a bad turn on my health. It is with no surprise that this trip is far FAR from being my comfort zone, not sleeping in the same place everynight, changing locations twice per day, being far away from home, being in the middle of the forest, in a country that i’ve never been before, where I don’t know the language nor most of the people I’m going with.
Long story short, it was nothing like I’d anticipated. Your slogan/hashtag couldn’t be more true for my case, #comebackdifferent.
I had been preparing for this trip for a year, mentally and physically. Weekly therapy sessions, tried every technique in the books, literally everything. This was nothing for me because i mean I’ve been doing that my whole life, but the closer we got to the date, the more “what ifs” intrusive and automatic thoughts popped up like CRAZY. What if I can’t go, what if I get a panic attack every single day, what if I can’t make it to the plane, what if I get so annoyed, what if I won’t be able to leave the hotel, what if everyone will be annoyed of me, what if they would judge me hate me, and the list goes on… Imagine having this running in your head every single day, haunting you, putting you down, in ugly moods, horrible situations, and bad physical conditions. I may be over exaggerating, but that’s how it actually felt. Turns out I needed a new strategy, a sentence that I’ve been going by for quite some time, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” I needed to feel it, welcome it, and not run away, nor get scared, just sit with it, and count on myself that I will make it, not with the help of anyone nor any pill. It is hell, it is extremely painful and very very very hard. But I did, I sat with it, sometimes longer than I expected. This is not a cliché paragraph where I’m gonna motivate you into sitting with your intrusive thoughts and tell you everything is going to be okay, it won’t be okay, but that’s okay. Because it will be sooner or later, it doesn’t last forever. My travels before involve sleepless nights, no eating nor drinking water, extreme heart palpitations, shaking and sometimes trips to the ER. My case has been well communicated with the team leaders, with my friend coming with, most of the people knew what I have and were very supportive, understanding and promised to be there for me no matter what.
I’m glad to say that they didn’t see any of this, even though they were prepared and ready for the WORST (as what I’ve described). This trip is a pleasant get away for some people, waw nature, waw local people, finally travelling to change environment, however for me it was presumed to be a nightmare, a hell I must endure for 8 days that hopefully will pass by quickly. Brought sufficient amount of calming drugs to get me through these 8 days, thinking I would need at least 3 per day. Happy to say only half a pill was used before even stepping foot in the airport.
This trip was more than just an escape to nature, it was my freedom, my peace, I never felt more present and alive in my life for as long as I can remember, I enjoyed every single minute of it, every plant, every drop of rain, every meal, every encounter, every conversation, every place. Nepal is a beautiful country, filled with pure, kind, genuine and spiritual people, most of them don’t have anything to offer but oh my do they give everything they have for you.
The team leaders of the trip, the porters, the well selected restaurants, hotels, tea houses, cities, villages, and everything basically, were just perfect. I have no words to describe this experience, yes I may be over exaggerating, but this truly changed my life and how I see trips/travels. Usually my trips go something like okay I went I made it alright 3 more days to go, and then I’ll be back home, this time, I enjoyed every single day, didn’t even know what day we are or how many we have left. Usually I come back from a trip I need to recover from all the suffering and not think of another trip unless I HAVE TO. This time, I was already looking for another adventure with LHO while I was still there ahaha. I didn’t want to leave Nepal, didn’t want to leave these beautiful people. I seriously can’t wait for the next one. Loved the release of the need to control or know everything. Loved the freedom.
So thank you, you gave me back a taste of freedom, and I promised myself to cherish it and not lose sight of it again. LFG!!!!!!! see you soon, hope to meet the entire team! You guys are beautiful souls thank you for creating this genuine community, you wawed us. Didn’t have to worry about anything, and even if I did worry about something, the team on ground already took care of it before I even voiced out my worry ahaha. I probably have more to say about this, but for now this is it, this was not just an ordinary trip for me, it was way way way more than that. Thank you once again
Mireille Khater
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