It Was Here And No Further. Until It Wasn’t

“Ahmed had been struggling for days on our Kilimanjaro expedition. He hadn’t slept in 3 days, his appetite was practically none existent and he was visibly getting thinner.” 

Ahmed’s eyes were darting around the mess tent that evening. It felt like he was trying to make eye contact but he really didn’t know how. There was clearly something on his mind but there was equally something preventing him from saying it. Ahmed had been struggling for days on our Kilimanjaro expedition. He hadn’t slept in 3 days, his appetite was practically none existent and he was visibly getting thinner.

Just a day earlier at Lava Tower (4,600 meters) Ahmed had broken down. The weather had been relentless throughout the journey. The heavy rains that never ceased. The head winds felt like they were purposely sent to turn us around. When the rains weren’t bad enough, we got an extra special mix of hailstones and sleet that made our first attempt at a serious high altitude push almost impossible. When we reached the highest point of the day at Lava Tower, Ahmed and the rest of the team just couldn’t believe it. They couldn’t believe what they themselves could achieve by sheer force of will and it was apparent in the tears that we all shared together. Ahmed was no exception.

Now, 2 days after Lava Tower, where all the other team members seemed to have pushed past our ordeal or at the very least come to terms with it and were ready to take on the next great challenge of tackling the summit, Ahmed seemed like he never left that moment. As the dinner started to wind down into our ritual briefing for the next day, he caught a break in the conversation to finally say what he had struggled all night to say.

“Guys, I have made a decision and I think this is it for me.” He went on to tell us about his internal struggle and how he had seen things in himself that he could only imagine. How he was so grateful for it and how this experience had transformed him in ways he could only have imagined. We listened in silence, hearing his story, and admiring his sensibility and courage in making such a difficult decision and sharing it with us in the way that he was. Members of the LHO team expressed their thoughts of support and gratitude to Ahmed for having shared our path this far. Nobody tried to convince him of anything. We all accepted that Kilimanjaro is not the summit.

“Nobody tried to convince him of anything. We all accepted that Kilimanjaro is not the summit. Kilimanjaro is everything. It is the entire experience. And for Ahmed the summit was here.” 

Kilimanjaro is everything. It is the entire experience. And for Ahmed the summit was here.

That night Ahmed went to sleep. It was the first night he had slept so soundly in many nights. The next morning, as I sipped my morning coffee, I saw Ahmed wonder out of his tent and observe the mountain. It was the first clear day we had on the mountain since we started. As he got closer to me I started to notice a different color in his face. He looked healthy and rejuvenated. We spoke for a while but made no mention of his decision of the previous night. I informed him that he would be guided to Millennium Camp, a location that the team and myself would pass through on the way down from the summit and where we would meet up with Ahmed to continue down the mountain together.

Funny enough, his response was not what I expected. He asked to join the team to Barafu, the summit base camp at 4,700 meters and that he would await our return there instead. We agreed and made our way to Barafu later that day. We arrived to Barafu at 1pm where the team had lunch and then rested for the remainder of the day. Our summit push would start at 11pm that evening and it is customary to try and sleep as much as possible before we head to the top.

At 11pm that evening, I joined the rest of the team in the mess tent for our pre climb tea and biscuits. Ahmed was there. We summited Kilimanjaro at 10am the next morning in the face of some of the most difficult conditions I have ever experienced on that mountain. Ahmed was there.

I’ve thought back to Ahmed’s experience several times since that night. It seemed to me that the moment we removed the physical expectation and replaced it with the experience of the here and the now, Ahmed no longer felt the pressure of success and failure. When the summit was no longer the consideration but rather the personal will to go as far as he was prepared to go, in the full knowledge that it was he and he alone who could determine when he reached his own Kilimanjaro, it was then that his true potential was realized. Ahmed is one of our most inspiring community members. You will definitely find him and his sons on the trails with us continuing to inspire us all.